Hanging out with Charles

Friday night I went down to visit Charles. I was looking forward to see him hang out with him. Its been a month that we haven't seen each other.

I was bored the night before Friday so I decided to draw him a rose and panda to sub for the actual gift because of my situation but I end up getting him a rose anyways. It was a cute thing to do. I hope he liked it. He said he do but you never know he might not. Lol

All we did was hang out and watch movies. There were no cuddling or anything because we just hang out as friends.

Sigh....

But its OK. I don't need him. Lol

Going through depression

I was feeling great for the past couple of days after I got fired. I have my family and friends supporting me and helping me find a job.

Now I feel like shit. I just received my last big check and it all went to bills. I begin to cry because I have no more money in my bank. I feel like I'm going through my hard time now. I have nothing. I have no income to help me get through this.

I feel like I got what I deserve but then again I shouldn't deserve this. I shouldn't deserve to go through this. I've done nothing wrong but you know it is what it is.

I feel bad because my brother have to buy me food and gas. My sister is helping me out with my car insurance. My friends want to take me out for lunch or dinner it whatever. I don't want to be a burden to them. I don't want to depend on them because I'm uses to be so independented.

I'm crying because of so many things is running in my mind. Its sucks to be jobless.

I really got fired...

This morning I woke up to reality. I have no job. I got fired yesterday from some stupid shit. Its basically he said she said thing but its the true fact though and I got fired for it.

I cried a lot yesterday then got mad later. He's so fucken stupid. He think he's always right about every little fucken shit he say. Will your wrong on this one you old fat ass motherfucker. If you can't handle the fact that some come up to you and confront you with this kind of shit then shouldn't open you fucken mouth.

I'm not a rat or instigator. My bookkeeper ask me one question about something and I told her and the reason why and that was it.

My boss got mad because she confronted him with that topic and other issues she got with him. But he put it out on me and fired me.

My coworker called and told me that he went crazy in the store. He said I put words in his mouth and that wasn't the first time. That's a fucken lie right there. He said he never said that. So he call my other manager that I worked with. She told him the same thing I told my bookkeeper. He said that he never said that. BAMM... in your fucken face and guess what? He still fucken denied that he said that and still fired me.

I went to my manager house to talk to her and decided to file unemployment. He's gonna be fucken pissed off but I don't give a shit. You fucked with me now I'm gonna fuck with you, you fucken old fat man with no fucken life that hate black people but then fuck with black girl which his ass going broke because give free shit to hoes.

Woo..... I'm fucken piss. I need a cigarette now. I'm going to the store today to drop off my keys and pick up my stuff that I have over there. If I see him, I don't know what I'm gonna do or say. Lol I might even be a little pussy and don't say or do anything. But then again I don't want to waste my breathe on this old low life man that have nothing better for himself.

Long day....

Yesterday I start off my day watch Battleships early in the morning with my nephew and little sister. Then went kayaking for 3 and a half hour in Marietta. It was relaxing and beautiful until I got tipped over but a tree log. I lost my shit, hat and my chap stick. I got suck couple of times in between rocks but over all I had fun and I wouldn't mind doing it again. I hope I can do thar with Charles when we go camping that's whenever we go camping. Lol.

Later on that night I went to dinner with my coworkers for one of my managers birthday. It start off bad because my boss want to act like a fucken BITCH for a lot of stupid reason that is not even called for. Thank goodness he cancel his order and left. He's such a mood killer. After he left everything was good and great. Lol

Its suck I didn't get to take pics. You all know I love taking pics but this time I didn't.

Spent the night at Jay's ....

Friday came along and haven't heard from Charles. I didn't want to call him or text him. I didn't want to bother him. So when Jay text me, I decided to go see him.

Prior to that, I post on my Facebook saying "what to do tonight? What to do tonight?" To really see if Charles going to let me know if it's OK for me to come down to see him but he didn't say anything or text or call. Until 15 minutes before I got off work. He wrote "go to the movie". I didn't respond back because I didn't think of anything of that. But an hour before that I already told Jay that I'm going to hang out with him.

On the way to see Jay, Charles called. He ask why I didn't respond back to his message. I didn't know that he want a response from me. He was hoping that I would say 'with who' so he can say with him. He thought that i would still go down there to hang out with him but I didnt.

I felt bad because we did plan on seeing each other but he never gave me the OK for me to come down. So we planned to hangout this coming up Saturday because I will be off. Hope that nothing will come up with him or get in our way to hanging out.

I had a good night with Jay last night. We hung out and watch movie and cuddling. The thing that I crave the most. I slept over. It wasnt the first time I slept over. This time it felt kinda weird. Because I knew that Jay got a boyfriend. Yes, he got a boyfriend that live in Texas. He told me a week ago well be we being honest with each other on things.

They have this long distance and open relationship. I was stock at first but it didn't really bother me because I wasn't really looking for a relationship with him. I just like the cuddling and company he gave me.

Now last night it felt weird because I saw his boyfriend pictures on the dresser for the first time before we went to bed. Is it the right thing to do with this guy? To cuddle with him in bed? To play with him in bed? While he have a boyfriend in another state? I think so but I'm still hanging out with him and chat with him.

I told Charles about it. I didn't know why I told him but he still going to find out about it though my blog anyways. I want to be honest with Charles because he's my friend because I still like him.

Uh my life is complicated because I'm making it that way. Sigh.

No hair....

Last night I decided to shave all my hair off. I was depress because my front left side of my head is going bald.

I can't stand it anymore and I didn't want to be like Donald Trump but covering my bald spot with my long hair. Its so depressing. Im getting bald at a every young age. I'm gonna be grandpa at the age of 35. Lol

Talking to charles again?

Yes, I'm talking to Charles again. But this time we only talk as friends. Of course, I still have feelings for him but what can I do if he only like me as a friend? I can only be his friend. Lol

We talk as usual and I be the only one calling him and texting. So fucken sad isn't? that I'm still calling him and texting him. **Sigh** I miss him calling me and text me.

OK, so we talk about our problems and stuff. He told me that he's not talking to that guy anymore. He some issue with Charles. Left him high and dry. Its a good thing that Charles didn't go too far with him. I wouldn't approve it anyways.

So we talked about us and stuff. Remember I mention that Charles delete me off Facebook? Well I ask him that and he said he didn't. He thought I deleted him which I didn't. So we both don't know how we got deleted.  Ow, its a mystery. (I know he's the one that did it.) Lol

I'm thinking about going to see him Friday after work but he said he don't know what's going to happen that Friday. He'll let me know.

Two dates....

Thursday I went on a date with this new guy I met name Rob short for Robert. Weird because the guy in Florida name Robert but thank goodness this new guy go by Rob. I'm gonna get everybody confused with all these I'm talking to. Lol

Well anyways, the dinner went well. We went to this Indian place in midtown and after went to get some frozen yogurts down the street. We decided to take a walk in piedmont park across from the yogurt shop. We left his car there at the parking lot, not really reading the sign everywhere on the building, and walked across the street.

As we came back to his car and we notice that it got Booted. I felt really bad because I decided for us to take a walk in the park and we thought it would be OK just to leave it there for 30 minutes or an hour but it wasn't. So he end up paying $75 to get it unboot.

Later, we got back home and he want to come in and hangout. I really didn't want him to come and meet my parent but I'm like what the hell I don't have any feelings for him right now and we only see each other as friends. So he met my mom, brother and his ex.

It was a good date and hangout.

Now, the next day, I went on a date again. This time its a different guy while I should say man. I really didn't want to go on a date with him because I know he was way older than me like 25 years older than me. He keep and nagging me and texting when we get to meet up and stuff that's when I decided to go that Friday.

We met up at Park Tavern in Piedmont Park. I was 30 minutes late because I was taking my time getting ready and driving to get up there. When I got there, he was already drinking. So he bought a drink for me as while. We chatted well he mostly did the chatting. I just sit there drinking and listening and fake laughing. He keeps ordering drinks. Then I got tipsy but the other guy got drunk. He got all loud and shit. I got embarrassed because group of people were setting next to us looking at me and him.

After the drinks we had, he want to go to the bar. I didn't want to go I just want to go home. So he dragged me into going. He drove us there. Then park behind two cars blocking them in. He claims he know who cars those are. He told me to get out the car which I refused to get out but I did anyways. He bought drinks again and this time I couldnt drink anymore. I just want to go home. He was being crazy at the bar. I was about to leave him and call Panda to come get me since he only stay couple of blocks away from the bar. But that man end up talking me back to my car.

I was about to get out the car until he ask me if I could see us together. I was like WHAT THE FUCK! Could he see how I acted back at the bar and back the restaurant? Hes fucken stupid to even ask that question. I was so turned off from the 4th drinks we had. Lol.

Then he got the fucken nerve to say that he's horny and ask me if I could him head. Y'all guy, I'm not over exaggerating, that shit happen for real.

I got out and never heard from him again.

That's was the first worst date I ever had.

Stood up

I went to get my targus ear pierced yesterday. My friend was so kind to took me and get it done for me.

Later that night I supposed to go out on a date with one of the I met last week. But he bailed out on me the last minute.  I was disappointed.  I hate it when people bailed out on me on a last minute. Its a waste of my time getting ready and waiting. 

I haven't heard from that guy yet. Maybe don't even want to talk to him if he do text me or call. I just cut people off when they do that to me because I don't feel like wasting my time dealing with people like that in the future.

Happy Birthday to my dear Jason

Before I went down to surprise my friend Jason, I went to see Jay first. The guy that I met from A4A. We hung out at his place, watch movie, and cuddle. The things I like to do most. I don't know where this is going between us but all I know is that we're cuddle buddies and some what talking. Mmmmm I wounder what he think about this.

Anyways going back to Jason. I met Jason about 8 months ago. We were talking at first but we became friends. He fell I'm love with me and I wasn't feeling him. This story are almost the same fucken story of me and Charles. How ironic. Jason like me because I was being honest with him from the beginning and I still like Charles for him being honest with me from the beginning.

Well Jason and I became really good friend even tho he still in love with me but he know that I only love him as a friend. He have been there for me when I needed a friend to talk about guys because he been through it before with me and other guys. He's a sweet heart and easy to talk to guy.  And that's why I surprise him with a cupcake, a birthday card and a late dinner. He was going through some stuff with the guy he's talking to, with his son and on top of that he have to work on his birthday which he request off couple of weeks prior to it. So they fucked him up.

I knew he was surprised. I'm happy to see him smile. Lol

Goodbye once again, Florida

Last night was wonderful. Even though we didn't go out. It was still wonderful.

I cooked dinner for him for the first time and he loved it and then he knocked out after. So we didnt get the chance to go into town or to the beach. I was ok with it. I wasn't mad or anything. Maybe because i already know how it is with him.

We talked, we play around, we joked a lot in bed. The things that we never did before. We talked about what we did for the past couple of months that we haven't seen and talk to each other. I told him about Charles. He told me that he was talking to this guy after he sent that Thai girl back home. He really like this dude he met but he don't know what happen to that guy after couple of weeks into seeing him. He just disappeared.

Im happy that he somewhat found someone. One that make him happy, that can love him. I could tell that he was happy because he keeps on talking about him. I wish he could find out what happen to that guy.
Maybe one day that guy will come around.

I was happy at one point just like how Robert felt but it went away so fast. We actually have one more thing in common. Lol.

I don't know if this will be my last trip to Fort Myers. My suppose to be last trip was like back in February. But I end up coming back down here after what he did to me because I do care for this man and I do love this man. I don't know if he will find someone or that guy will come back to him. I don't know if I will find someone up here in Atlanta. All I know for sure, I still want to keep in contact with Robert. I want to fly down there to visit him whenever he wants to fly me down there or whenever I need a vacation and get away from the city. This vacation, I really need it. So much going on with me that I just need to get away.

I'm on the plane now. Feeling sad and lonely once again because I miss Robert already. I'm going to miss him sleeping next to me once again, Im going to miss his rudeness, I'm just gonna miss him period.

Thanks to him I forget about my life back at home. About the bills, people, work, love life.

I'm so nosey

Robert were shower this morning and I got nosey. I couldn't help the fact that his phone was right in front of me. So I went through it.

He was talking to couple of guys around his area. Not surprise at all. Hey, I'm doing the same thing too back home. We both are not stupid. We know we're talking to different guys on Grindr and other gay apps on our phone.

It was a rush this morning and to be honest, I like the rush feelings. Scanning to texts, photos, through his apps. It was fun, it was scary. Lol.

Today I don't know what we doing. Like how the other was. I want to do something and you know what? I'm going to make it happen. And I don't care. I will have my way. He want me here and spend time with him since he don't have that much work on his hands anymore but this time I'm want it my way. I want him to spend time with me and the things I want to do. Today is my last day here.

Lets make it happen. Lol

Chilling like always ....

I'm just chilling like always when on down here on Ft Myers. He's working and I'm chilling on the couch. There's things I wants to do like go to the gym, go to the beach, go downtown and walk, go to the movie or something but I can't. There's no care for me to drive and I don't want to drive his car anyways. Lol

Look at this ducks and chickens. Lol. His place gonna turn into a farm one day. Tsk tsk tsk. That's what old people do when they get older and have no body with them. So sad.

And I love his big dogs. Sox & Sammy.

Ah!!!!

I woke up late this morning because I couldn't sleep last night. Didn't get the chance to brush my teeth and take a quick shower. Uh, I feel so nasty. Hehehe...

I hate this!?!?!?!?!?!

I hate this one stop flight. I hate waiting for an hour close to two hours to board for my final destination. Thanks a lot to Robert for booking me this one stop flight but then again he's paying for it. Lol, so I shouldn't be complaining.

Packed and ready

I can't sleep. Its 4 something in the morning and I have to get up at 7 and leave the house by 7:30. My flight leave at 9. Sigh!!! I'm so ready to get out of town.