What is wrong with me....

One minute I'm happy. One minute I'm sad. This shit is killling me. LOL.

At this moment I really feel empty and lonely. I just want that comfort and embrace. I just need that hug and holding that keeps me in place but I don't have that. So my head is running on empty and my loneliness is taking over.

I need a drink and need a cigarette but I chose not to do both of them because I know I will not stop. For the past few days I've been smoking like crazy. For the past few days I've been drinking wine. And I usually don't do that. But this empty feelings and loneliness really make me want to do those things right now.

Ok, so, today i did something that im not suppose to do but i did it anyways. So, I failed today. I failed my test on not calling Charles and not texting him, to give me some times and break free. But that shit didn't last long. LOL

This morning I woke up feeling happy and having some joy in me. And the only person that pop in my head was Charles. So I couldn't stop myself. I called him and share him my joy.

The entire day we text each other. I was joking around with him and he was joking around with me. I was just being myself. Being my stupid goofy self. There was no need for us to talk about our relationship or go back to what we had in the past of couple of weeks ago.

Today just feel like a fresh new start. I write my complet thoughts, lock things up and it gone but if he want to reopen it up and want to try and start where we left off at then I would reopen it for just for him. I would really do that because I know he will be honest with me with everything. He's a great guy.