I haven't been blogging and i know should have. The reason why, I was happy. I spend most of my time with Charles. And that's when I realize that I was falling for him. And now I'm not happy anymore. I'm just sad.
I put my guard down just a little and he notice that. He knew I was falling for him. So one night he called me and we talked for hours. He have to let me know that he can't do this anymore. He don't want to hurt me because he care too much for me to let this ride out.
He's not feeling me. He dont feel the sparks. He was confused, he was lost at that one point because he did had feeling (i guess) and now he dont. He could see us in relation and then he dont. He just dont know what he wants. Or maybe its just me. Maybe l'm not giving him the things he looking for. Maybe I'm just boring. Maybe I come to strange. Maybe that's why he's not feeling it. So he don't want it to go on because he know we both will get hurt at the end.
He felt like a jerk and he shouldn't feel that way. He think I should get mad at him, think I should hate him but I'm not and never going to. I'm just happy that he told me in the early stage. I'm happy that he's being honest with me. No one can never really find someone that can be honest with you nowadays. And that's why I can never be mad, upset, or hate him.
Last night we had our last talk. I have decided to stop seeing him for awhile. Just to break free from him, just to clear my head, just to get over him. And he respect my decision. He said its going to be hard for him not to text me, not to call me because he already got use to doing that. Well its gonna be hard for me as well.
Sigh! I feel so comfortable around. He makes me really happy everytime I talk to him, everytime I see him. Out of the all guys I been with, Charles was the only one that embrace me, show me that he really care, give me the comfort that I really need and want. I just gonna miss that.
I know I wont get to have that from him again even if we hang out again as friends. I wont get that kiss, that hug, that cuddling, all that good stuff. LOL.
I'm sad that I can't show him things as couple do. I'm sad that I wont get the chance to share things with him as couple do. I guess the only thing we can share together is friendship.
Today I feel OK, I feel fine, but, there's one thing I'm missing and its that little joy I have with him.
He taught me something. The three L words. Live, Laugh, Love. But I wont do that just yet. Because I'm in the process of letting this go. LOL. He gonna be upset with me and I want me to. =P
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