i text panda one last time and i told him that i like him and i like hanging out with him. i never told anyone that i like them or have a crush on them at all and he was the first person i actually told. all he said was “hugs/rub head. one step at a time chu” and that was it. i ask him whats his input about it and that’s all he said.
i just wanted to know what he really feels about it. i want to know if he feel the same way but it’s clearly shows that he doesn’t. it hurts. that’s why, at that moment, i deleted his number from my phone and all the texts we had.
i don’t want to be the one side person that only have the feelings. that’s why i took that step to stop and erase everything that we talked about because i want this feelings to go away. but it’s not working at the moment.
i shouldn’t be feeling sad because i know i will find someone in the long run. but i just gonna let it be. that’s how i will get over things.
right after work i went straight to the lake. it’s just a few steps from my boss house/office.
i’m here collecting my thoughts and try to relax. too bad that i can’t come up here every week because i sure do need some time to let everything out and just not think about anything.
after i post my last blog just a minute ago. i begin to have a clear mind and that’s a good thing. i don’t want to leave this place because i know for a fact that i will start thinking again. why can’t i just work up here for a whole week or so so that when i get back to the city i will be fine and happy because i have not thoughts about panda and no thoughts of feeling lonely.
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