Just try...

I'm here alone at the lake behind my boss office. Just got off work and I needed this relaxation after a long day at work. LOL I wish that my backyard have a lake. I would be more calm and stress free everyday. But that's just a wishful thinking.

Right now I don't know what to say. I feel lonely, I feel OK, I feel blank. I wish I could talk to Charles right now but I choose not to call him or text him. Just really trying to give that a  break now. I'm tired of trying period.

I notice that I'm the only one that call and text him. It makes me look bad on part of my end because we're just friend and we're not talking or dating anymore. But at some point I feel like we are still talking and still getting to know each other more and the other part is just talking as friends.

I just feel stupid sometimes because I'm trying to get him to notice me more. Which that don't work. So I'm just done trying. Not completely done but right now I'm just done.

I suppose to meet up with my friend today after work but I turnt him down because I just want to set here and be alone. One other reason is that I don't want to see him.  Because I know he really like me and I told him how I feel about us but he still like me and still want to try.

Right now, I think I might as well take his offer and go out on a date with him and just try. I think it wouldn't hurt to try if I already laid out everything on the table and he understand. I just wish Charles would do that. Just give us a try and see how it is. We already laid out everything on the table but he still wouldn't try. And I think that's what bother me the most. Is that, he turn us down so easily and don't want to try even tho we know we like each other and care for each other.

But it is what it is. Can't change his mind.

I guess now ill have to call my friend and reschedule with him. I'm just gonna try and see how things turn out.

Gosh I don't want to leave this place. Its so peaceful and the weather is just right.