it’s almost the end of the year and i feel… mmmm lonely. yes, that’s the word and i really hate using the word and actually feeling it.
the reason why i’m feeling this way is that i really have no one to really talk to and to have a common conversation with any more. everyone is now having someone in their life and most of the guys including me are the odd one out from it.
da, one of my good friend, have a boyfriend now that live out of state. so she mostly be on the phone, skyping and most of all working. she don’t have the time and the energy to hang out like we use to. and as for amy - my really good close friend - she finally label herself as chai’s girlfriend. he’s da’s younger brother. so we haven’t really talk. and now one of the guy i met just told me that he found a guy and now he’s taken.
well, my point of it all is that i’m happy for them. i’m happy that their partner is making them happy. but i’m not happy for myself. i still can’t find me a guy even just to talk to. i’m really tired of putting my self out there - out there on online, out there at the bars.
i know i sound desperate and maybe i am because with all these couples around me hugging and kissing and calling each other sweet names, make me feel really uncomfortable and out of place. but it make me want to have someone too as while. it make me want to be hugged and be kissed, to be called by different sweet names and just to be happy but it’s just my wishful thinking.
i have thought about this and i have thought long about it. that i’m just going to keep my distance away from them. which i already had. i can’t stand it anymore. i cant stand of being near couples. it just hurt me so bad inside because i wanted the things they have that i can’t have right now.
sighs.
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